I’m in my early thirties, have a great wife, three beautiful children (two boys and a sweet girl) and I’m LDS. I was raised LDS and served a full-time mission in South America. It was very hard, but I have very good memories from the experience. I was born and raised LDS outside of Utah. Currently, I am attending graduate school. My family is composed of many different religions and schools of thought.
Two years ago I began to learn a lot about my LDS faith that I had never known before. This was my own doing as I started to search it out (I was not jumped on by “anti-Mormons”). Much of what I learned was disturbing to me personally. I struggled for a year trying to understand why and watching my testimony erode. I felt helpless because I couldn’t talk with anyone, not my wife, my family, my Bishop or my friends (LDS or not). I wasn’t quite sure if any of them would be understanding of what I was going through.
Now two years have past. I have met many people that have gone through the same thing as me. Some of them have left the Church to continue on as Atheists or some other religion. Others, like myself, choose to remain in the LDS Church despite our misgivings. I choose to stay mostly because there is not any other church that I find appealing. Most have problems with their doctrine or history just like the LDS Church. I also find a lot of LDS doctrine makes sense; even if I don’t hold it in as high regard as I used to.
I cannot become an Atheist because I still believe in God. I’ve had many experiences in my life that tell me God exists. Many miraculous answers to prayer have led me to this conclusion. I have faith that if I believe in God and Christ that I can not go wrong and so I hold on with that faith while my belief in the LDS Church weakens. Perhaps overtime my trust in the Church will return and I will regain my testimony or maybe the opposite will occur and I’ll find myself leaving for better things. Right now I really don’t know what will happen. This blog is my way of working through my questioning to find truth and helping others do the same.